(no subject)

[teetheyes]

I have a lot of groveling to do--a lot--and I rarely do that. So, congratulations.

But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.

That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.

I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.

P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.

Comments

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the calamari.

I HAVE LOST ALL POWERS OF TYPING.

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

Not fair, not fair at all. But I'll still shove Blue in front of the monitor if he comes back here tonight.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

That would be pretty helpful.

[ooc: Stick-shoving sounds painful D:]

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

I live to serve.

[ooc: or kinky?]

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

You have no idea where he went I guess, or is that none of my business?

[ooc: With Blue?? Cori says grr.]

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

It's not a lot of your business, right now. I think he just went out to eat.

[ooc: lolol, he slept in her bed last night, after confessing to having a crush. >D]

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'll be here all night.

[ooc: He grrs from all three mouths >|]

1/2

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

...

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

And you know, nobody likes feeling out of control. The only reason people take risks is because they can believe that somehow things will turn out okay.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

You could've said "Just have faith."

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

I could, but it wouldn'tve been what I meant.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

What do you mean then.

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't say 'just have faith' because I think a little fear is a healthy necessity, and because faith seems to be misplaced a whole lot, and because I'm not auditioning to be a televangelist.

I wasn't even really talking about Blue, it was just... a nerve, I guess.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Well you would know wouldn't you. You've been pulled left and right by the rest of us.

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

I was created for a purpose, too, technically. I just outlived it.

And I still think that the decisions I make are my own.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

They are now. Did I tell you what happened to Gilbert?

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

You mean the other day? I caught up with him again; he came over and made a big deal about my tea-making prowess.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Do you know why he could come through here?

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

It was a curse, Cori. He was probably a figment of my imagination, or dragged up from some memory back in Cape Canaveral. I don't know the technicalities.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

No. The three ladies killed him. The boss brought him back during the funeral, but Gilbert asked that he stay dead, so he granted that request. This is Gilbert's retirement plan.

1/2

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

Why would you tell me that?

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

That doesn't make sense. Why would anybody want to kill Gilbert?

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

He was in the way, we all were. Me and only a few others survived. The point is, he had to ask to be released.

[ohrosalita.livejournal.com]

So why couldn't you, if there was a good reason for it? There are other nightmares, I've had them.

Why wouldn't--

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

... At least I do take pride in being the best one for the job.