(no subject)

[teetheyes]

I have a lot of groveling to do--a lot--and I rarely do that. So, congratulations.

But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.

That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.

I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.

P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.

Comments

[venomouselle.livejournal.com]

I disagree. You've been a bigger asshole.

[glock30.livejournal.com]

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

You've known me long enough to call that one.

[glock30.livejournal.com]

Cthulhu.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Don't act like this is the first time you've heard it.

[glock30.livejournal.com]

I didn't need a reminder. Sometimes I think you're trying to give me nightmares.

[venomouselle.livejournal.com]

Damn right.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Are you getting images yet?

[glock30.livejournal.com]

Now I am.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I don't think past bouts of shitheadedness count in this case.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

This would be me, chair dancing at the PDA.

Chair dance, chair dance, happy, happy chair dance.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Good. My work here is done.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I could've blamed you.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

I've got broad shoulders.

[glock30.livejournal.com]

Jackass. How much better do you feel now that it's Mission Accomplished?

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I noticed. But do you have the right amount of finesse?

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Little. He's still out.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

You've met me.

[venomouselle.livejournal.com]

Are you joking? You give a monologue about shit in a nutshell and now you're excluding a few things. Bullshit.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Hotpants in the summertime.

[glock30.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, he can't miss this.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I mean it's not an excuse.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Well, when else would you wear them? The winter? Important bits of anatomy would freeze.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

It's just a dead embarrassment if he does.

[glock30.livejournal.com]

I couldn't blame him if he ignored it.