(no subject)

[teetheyes]

I have a lot of groveling to do--a lot--and I rarely do that. So, congratulations.

But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.

That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.

I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.

P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.

Comments

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

I've got broad shoulders.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I noticed. But do you have the right amount of finesse?

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

You've met me.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Hotpants in the summertime.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Well, when else would you wear them? The winter? Important bits of anatomy would freeze.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Never? Next you're going to tell me you get a side of full body wax with that.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

I have hair where hair is aesthetically pleasing on the male body.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Do you pluck the grays there too?

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Quit it.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

What do you want me to say?

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

You're supposed to say 'of course' and then move the conversation along to more proper topics such as, er give me a minute, I'll think of one ...

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Well he isn't here yet but I'm counting on a proper discourse of mutual communication, so you can tell me what you want for dinner.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

A nice bit of broiled fish and some steamed vegetables? I'm a simple man.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

That's a sad challenge. Cajun salmon in linguine.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Feed me like that and you'll never get rid of me.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I can't decide if that's a compliment or a catastrophe.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Go with the former, I promise to behave and we won't have the latter.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Deal.

Any new revelations since you've been stranded here?

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Every waking hour brings a new revelation.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I smell optimism.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

I'm always optimistic!

Keeps me from blowing my brains out repeatedly. Well that and having to pause to reload the gun, plus ammo is damn expensive, that's a deterrent as well.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

And blood's a bitch to get out of wool.

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

It really is and then there's bits of brain and skull all over the place, after all a Webley Mark IV leaves a hell of an exit wound.

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I prefer sharp edges myself.

[Private//Unhackable]

[handsomejack.livejournal.com]

Had a few of those as well. Problem is if you miss or the opponent misses you end up with a slow bleed out and the slow deaths are the worst. They hurt like a bitch.