(no subject)
Mar. 13th, 2008 08:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teetheyesI have a lot of groveling to do--a lot--and I rarely do that. So, congratulations.
But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.
That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.
I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.
P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.
But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.
That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.
I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.
P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 04:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 04:49 am (UTC)Long version or cliff notes?
no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 04:51 am (UTC)Unabridged.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:06 am (UTC)Funnily enough, we were talking about you. Well, I was talking about you. It was the curse. I wasn't gossiping. Anyway, the whole Blue thing came up, and I asked him - since I was trying to prove a point, mostly that you were being a jerkoff - if he'd do the same thing you did if Tulip ever showed up. He said something stupid, I don't even remember what now
yes I do, but the answer was no, and then I said what I was feeling at the time, something equally stupid, and everything kind of went to shit.So I told him I thought he should go. Eventually, he did.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:11 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:13 am (UTC)I forgot the part where I brought Spike up for five seconds. This is why I don't do unabridged versions of stories.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:15 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:17 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:26 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:28 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:32 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:34 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:38 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:42 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:46 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:48 am (UTC)But, yeah, the L-word was involved.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:51 am (UTC)Hypocrite.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 05:54 am (UTC)It's not like I told him we should see other people. I just told him he needed to leave. Saying something like that is shit I don't need to deal with again.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 06:01 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 06:07 am (UTC)I don't know.
I don't think you'd be able to tell me anything I don't already know. I'm sure he's pissed. I'd be pissed.
private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 06:17 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 06:20 am (UTC)private//unhackable
Date: 2008-03-14 06:26 am (UTC)private//unhackable
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