(no subject)

[teetheyes]

I have a lot of groveling to do--a lot--and I rarely do that. So, congratulations.

But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.

That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.

I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.

P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.

Comments

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

I've got special powers. They're called tits. Besides, I actually meant it.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Why?

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

What do you mean why? Because he needed to leave.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

You never asked me to get out.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

I also never slept with you. And you never loved me, either. Unless there's something you've neglected to tell me all this time, which would explain why you like that rock so much.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I see the L-word got involved, and I don't mean lesbian.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

Before you drag her into this, Kitty fucked off. Lesbian is pretty much a done joke.

But, yeah, the L-word was involved.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean that.

Hypocrite.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about it.

It's not like I told him we should see other people. I just told him he needed to leave. Saying something like that is shit I don't need to deal with again.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

You want me to put a feeler out on the situation?

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

No.

I don't know.

I don't think you'd be able to tell me anything I don't already know. I'm sure he's pissed. I'd be pissed.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Same ballgame, different teams.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

All sports are stupid.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

At least you're not taking bets. He'll come around if you talk to him.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

Who says I'm not taking bets?

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

You're gambling and you didn't invite me?

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

You want in?

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Please.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

Place your bet.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Back together in less than a week.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

If you're wrong, you owe me a hell of a lot more than a couple greens.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

He's a nice guy, Faye, and a great drinking partner. He's also a glutton for punishment. I'm not saying if it's right or wrong, it's just a hunch.

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

...That doesn't mean you won't get out of making me food if you lose.

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[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

And if I win?

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[glock30.livejournal.com]

You want me to cook you something?