(no subject)
Mar. 13th, 2008 08:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teetheyesI have a lot of groveling to do--a lot--and I rarely do that. So, congratulations.
But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.
That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.
I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.
P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.
But you're not here to enjoy it. I looked for you at Lee and Tony's and I looked for you at Rose's and I looked for you at home. Well I guess I deserve it and I'm sure everyone else agrees with you. I've been a total asshole to you and even now I admit I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for that fucking curse. The truth is I'm afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of many things, more things are afraid of me even when they don't know I exist. My function is built on fear and I'm afraid one day you'll leave me and I won't be able to take it. I don't trust myself when I'm weak. You know there's a good reason for it and you know it first hand. I have appetites. I'm sorry it happened to you.
That's why I have a killswitch and I hate that I have a killswitch and I hate that I don't control whether I live or die. I want to control everything else. I want to know what future I can manipulate and the only way to do that is to repeat the same routine. When you don't depend on anyone else you don't have to take risks. I pick on Foster because he takes risks. I still think he's a naive little shit but he's a naive little shit who puts himself on the line, I hate that. I almost cheated on you when I promised I could be exclusive. I'm the shit here. I'm tired of being lectured but the fact of the matter is I don't listen. I miss Matthew because I listened to him.
I'm sorry you think I don't love you anymore. That's far from the truth and it's far from what I mean. I want to listen to you and I hope you'll give me another chance and listen to me too.
P.S. The rest of you cocksuckers can shut the fuck up about all the dick you've gargled. New Years Eve, 1999, Cthulhu.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:39 am (UTC)I won't even ask you who, baby...
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:41 am (UTC)I-thought-you-didn't-love-me.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:45 am (UTC)Ow. Fuck.
[Pain! Still holding onto him though.]
I'm sorry Blue, I really am... I'm just scared. I meant it.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:46 am (UTC)Why should I forgive you?
Why? I told you I wouldn't, if you were a dog to me!
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:52 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:53 am (UTC)Jerk!
[pulls him and gives him a kiss]
Stupid idiot!
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:56 am (UTC)--Jesus will you stop that?
[Kissed! Already that makes him feel better. Returning the kiss.]
Your stupid idiot. Yours.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 06:57 am (UTC)[sits down on the couch and curls up]
Yeah. Mine.
I only kissed him because you didn't get to.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:06 am (UTC)[Harkness. Already he looks like he might foam at the mouth, but then he calms.]
I see. Well I deserve it.
You uh... you understand what I meant right? I know it was kind of stupid, but it's true. And I'm sorry you had to put up with it.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:08 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:10 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:11 am (UTC)But I love you, you stupid idiot. So I'm staying here.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:15 am (UTC)I love you too, Blue.
[And a kiss.]
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:16 am (UTC)Don't do it again.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:17 am (UTC)I won't, I swear to god I won't.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:19 am (UTC)I'm not having sex with you tonight. And I want breakfast in bed. French toast [kiss] and waffles [kiss] and fried eggs [kiss] and hash browns [kiss] and bacon.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:23 am (UTC)[Impatient sort.]
Can I give you head?
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:25 am (UTC)......
I don't know if I'm that selfish.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:27 am (UTC)Right now you should be.
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:27 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:30 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:31 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:38 am (UTC)I do love you.
[Mouth over the tip.]
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:39 am (UTC)I love you too, Cori.
[slumps back to watch]
//has he been in there the whole time?//
Date: 2008-03-14 07:42 am (UTC)//has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
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From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
From://has he been in there the whole time?//
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