(no subject)

[teetheyes]

What the hell is that bullshit I did yesterday? I feel sick to my stomach, as if I can't wring my fucking guts out enough. I feel fucking dirty. He remembers it too, I can tell by how he won't look at me. I don't even want to look in a fucking mirror right now. I know they're gone, blue eyes, beautiful blue eyes, mad city wouldn't even give me a fucking chance to cut them out myself. They were MY eyes, above all I have the right to take them. I feel weak and ashamed, easily consumed by what could have been, even if it was a dream in itself. Just a sick and twisted fantasy (I don't want to even think about whose fantasy). Never in a million years, never in my two fucking millenia, a Constantine.

I don't prefer this place to My Lord, I do not, but I enjoy the freedom of the waking world, not to sit in my citadel alone on the edge of nightmare, not to rub elbows with the rest of the court in the castle. I will always be your first defense, no matter where I am, Master. But I want to live too, and no one trusts me to do that, not even this city. To take what I want and spin it so that even it too fails as a dream, what's everyone trying to fucking tell me?

If you spoke to me or even saw me yesterday: I do not want to talk about it.

((OOC: strikes deleted, hackable with determination))

Comments

[silkcutremix.livejournal.com]

Even that?

((OOC: What could this "that?" Be? Oh, that is up to you!))

Private to Alex

[noh-dancer.livejournal.com]

Look, I know you will probably be pissed as hell that I invaded your privacy, but I hacked your entry...

...fuck I'm no good at this shit so I'll just say what I mean:

It doesn't matter who 'made' you or for what purpose. You are always in charge of your life!

Don't let that Morpheus guy push you around!
Stand up to him, and if you want to live in the real world you should be allowed to.

What's the worst that could happen? He kills you?
So what!
At least you will have kept your fucking integrity and proved to yourself, and to him you are your own person.

....

You did have very nice eyes..

Re: Private to Alex

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

........

I'm not pissed, not now. It's just hard to explain. Faye's calling me out on that drink, we can make it a threesome.

Re: Private to Alex

[noh-dancer.livejournal.com]

Foursome, Hector is down for shots of rum.

Hey, this way you won't be creeped out by too many boobs?
♥

Re: Private to Alex

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Nice. Come on, I'm not a misogynist.

Re: Private to Alex

[noh-dancer.livejournal.com]

♥

[bitingnightmare.livejournal.com]

Later John, please.

I can still taste it.

((OOC: strikes deletededed))